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2 JOKES

THE DUCK

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have lemons?"
The bartender says, "No, we don't have lemons!" Disappointed the duck
leaves. Ten minutes later he comes back and asks the bartender, "Do you have lemons?" Slightly annoyed, the bartender says, "For the second time, no we don't have lemons!" The duck turns around and leaves, only to return ten minutes later and once again asks the bar keep, "Do you have lemons?" The bartender is upset, " If you come in here one more time and ask if I have lemons, I will get my hammer and nail your little webbed feet to the floor!" The duck flies out of the bar quacking in fear. Ten minutes later, the duck walks in, the bartender in astonishment listens as the duck asks, "Do you have nails?"
Confused, the bartender says, "No."
The duck replies, "Good, do you have lemons?"

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DRIVE-THRU PROCEDURE

Please note that with the arrival of the new "Drive-thru" cash point
machines customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their
vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash, and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off

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FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Re-check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forwards 2 metres
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided
24 Re-check make-up
25 Restart stalled engine and pull off
26 Drive for 3 to 4 miles
27 Release hand brake

:)

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